Today it actually hit me that in about a week and a half, I’ll be starting my final year at university. That’s right. The end is now a reality, no longer just a distant thought that brews in the back of one’s mind. And let me tell you, the realization literally scared the living daylights out of me.
I’m sure I’m not the first soon-to-be-college graduate who’s facing this, and I’m even more sure that I won’t be the last. So for those of you who have been through this, you know exactly how it is. In the back of your mind, you always kind of know that this day will eventually arrive, but when you’re a bright-eyed freshman, just starting out in this game called college, you somehow convince yourself that the end is very far–something YOU don’t have to worry about for a long time.
Well, for me, the end is not far at all anymore. It’s actually quite close, menacingly staring me in the face, asking me, ‘are you up for this challenge?’ And as I stare back, I find myself full of doubt. AM I up for the challenge? Do I really have what it takes? And furthermore, do I have what it takes to face the long journey of ‘real life’ that’ll follow graduation?
I honestly don’t feel like I do.
Anyway, I’m basically writing this blog because I just needed a chance to get some of my thoughts out. It’s well past 4am right now, and there’s not even the slightest hint of sleep in my eyes, and my brain seems to be running at about a thousand miles per minute. Talk about feeling anxious! And I’ve been feeling this way since yesterday. You know…yesterday, the day when I realized that I will soon be starting a final chapter to a very signifcant part of my life.
I will say, though, that yesterday was a productive day, and I suspect that today will be, as well. But that doesn’t seem to ease the stress that I’m currently feeling–stress that’s keeping me awake, might I add.
Summer’s coming to an end and anyone who knows my story knows that this summer has been ANYTHING but a season of relaxation and rest. To put it simply…it’s been hell. Oh, what I’d do to go back and change the overall ‘mood’ of this summer. But alas, that cannot be done. So instead, I must keep moving forward. Unfortunately, I’m at the point where I don’t feel I have the strength to keep going. But I suppose that’s where God’s strength comes in. HE makes me strong during my moments of weakness. But damn…it’s easy to forget that.
Well, I guess that’s all I have to say for now. Thanks to anyone who read this, for putting up with my late night/early morning ranting. I appreciate it. :)