In this world are two kinds of people: those who update their blogs regularly and those who do not. I obviously have made my home with the latter group. The last time you heard from me, I was freaking out about graduation, finals, and my facebook addiction. Well, school and finals have been over for quite some time (nearly two months, actually), so I suppose I should post something new. But first, let it be known that my facebook addiction has somewhat improved. In fact I’m not even sure that I qualify as a true facebook addict. (You might disagree, but shush!) I’m mostly just addicted to procrastination. The Internet’s a way more exciting place to hang out when you have a paper to write or a large reading assignment to tackle. Now that those obligations aren’t in my life, I’ve found that the overall appeal of getting online has lessened quite a bit. Figures. Anyhoo…let’s talk about life. I’ll start with graduation:
On May 8, 2010 I walked (in heels! Without tripping! Muwahaha…) across the large stage of Overlake Christian Church in Redmond, Washington and accepted my diploma from Northwest University. Heck yes! Oh man, I waited so long for that day. Five. Flippin’. Years! But you know what? It all went by in a blur, and even now, nearly two months later, I have to continuously remind myself that come September, I won’t be returning to school. That’s a big deal, folks!! I’ve been in school since I was in kindergarten, so this concept of being an ex-student is foreign and downright scary! I honestly don’t like it. Then again, one doesn’t necessarily have to involve him/herself with any sort of a formal educational structure to continue learning, right? I might be an ex-student, but I’m definitely not an ex-learner. I know myself well; I’ll be learning till the grave. (And as far as I’m concerned, that’s how it should be!)
Speaking of one’s post-college/beyond the classroom education, my biggest “lesson” so far relates to the whole job-hunting extravaganza. *Cringes* I’m quickly learning that it’s not so much about what you know but whom. And for a recent college graduate with a limited amount of contacts and very little actual ‘work’ experience on her résumé, it’s tough out there! But I guess in this economy that’s the case for just about everyone.
At the same time, though, job hunting—and more specifically, not getting what I want—has allowed for some serious self-reflection. I’ve had to face a significant number of closed doors lately, and without getting into the specifics, I’ll just say that my plan A didn’t work out. But to be completely honest, I’m actually glad. As much as it sucks to not have a stable/permanent job, I think it’s all for the best that I didn’t get that particular position. And I’ve realized that what I ultimately want is the opportunity to pursue my art (in whatever context). Of course history and the general population will say that artists typically dangle somewhere near the bottom of the financial chain, so I’ve spent the last few years suppressing my ultimate desire for an art-related career and have tried to walk down less treacherous roads. (Not that my life goal is to make a lot of money or anything, but I’d like to be able to eat, ya know?) But as I’ve been walking and reflecting on my life and long-term goals, I’ve realized that I’m not really interested in that which is less treacherous. I don’t see myself doing the 9 to 5 thing for the rest of my life; I just don’t think I’m ‘called’ (for the lack of a better word) to such a “safe” lifestyle. Anyway, I have a number of ideas stirring in my head right now, but I’m not quite ready to commit them to paper just yet. At the moment, I’m simply praying and asking the Lord to order my steps. He gave me these artistic abilities and interests, so I’m trusting that someday He’ll actually open a door that will allow me to use them. I just don’t know what or when. But that is the beauty of faith, is it not?
In the meantime, I’ve been doing some odd-ball jobs, working as a nanny, teaching piano, and applying for other, more “permanent”/full-time positions (me and everyone else, right?). Not knowing what the future holds isn’t at all easy, but in a strange way, it’s kind of exciting. Despite my own blindness to all that my future holds, I’ve been able to find comfort and rest in the fact that God’s eyes see it all. He holds my future in His hands, and let’s face it: His hands are pretty darn big.
Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
This is no sacrifice
Here’s my life